Imagine that. Two nights in a row without bad dreams. Maybe things are getting better.

I didn't get a very good start this morning though. My alarm didn't go off. Either that or I turned it off and fell asleep again. So suddenly my morning was very busy. But I made it to work pretty much in time anyway. No harm no foul. Or something like that.

Work was dirrrty, nasty, filthy. Yet again people who rented the barn over the weekend failed to clean up after themselves. So Cafer and I did. And a new NewGuy. I didn't catch his name. We worked hard. I was getting very tired. Feeling a little sick. A cold or something. Cafer could tell. When we were pretty much done with the hardest stuff he told me to go home. Nice fella.

Life is getting complicated. I know it's stupid, but sometimes I miss the days when everything was easy. When I was all alone with no hope. No hope means no pressure. Now there is hope. And pressure. Lots of pressure. Skye and I are planning our second meeting. She has tickets to a Zwan concert in Amsterdam on June 3rd. Right now it looks like I'll be going with her. I'll fly in on the 3rd and fly out on the 4th. We'll spend the night together in a hotel. We're still settling the details. I need to get help from Wojciech too. With the travelling. Otherwise I don't think I can do it. I'm already very scared by the thought. But how amazing would that be? Me. Skye. Zwan. What a combination. I want so much to go to a real concert, especially with Zwan. And I want so much to spend time with Skye. And you put those together and it could quite possibly be the best thing I'll ever experience.

If I can do it. I'm already worrying too much. It's the travelling that's worst. I know I'm a big baby but I just have this chronic fear of missing a train, getting on a wrong train, missing a plane, getting on a wrong plane, getting stranded somewhere in south africa by accident. I don't know. I wish I could get rid of those fears. But I'll get help. From my mother here in Aarhus. From Wojciech in Copenhagen. And from Skye in the Netherlands. That's the plan. I just can't do it on my own. No matter how much I want to. I know I shouldn't be afraid. I know I should stay for a longer period. I know blabla. But I hope it will all be okay. Because on paper it sounds so good. So very good. I can't get the image out of my head now. Standing in the crowd, holding Skye, Billy playing for us. That would be too good for words.

If I can just survive the complications. I hate dealing with all this stuff.

What would you say if I said "This Book Will Change Your Life Plume". You'd say "spam", right? It was a search referral though. Strange. Not that my words aren't meant to change lives. I'm a veritable self help book come to life.

Party on.

np: badly drawn boy - donna and blitzen (021029)