It has not been the best of days. Depression still haunts me like the ghosts in the old mansion on top of the hills. You know the one.

Had a little fallout with Skye. I almost messed things up. I have just felt bad since all the Cushing's stuff and I was questioning whether I could handle going to the Netherlands on vacation this summer. I have kept her waiting for so long. I don't know why she wants me, but somehow she does. We're working things out now. I thought I had lost her really. But hopefully it will be ok. I still don't really feel like I can handle going now, but maybe I'll feel better when we have it planned. I know vacation with her will be wonderful. I just wish I could get rid of all the doubt and insecurity.

Why am I so scared?

Always.

I went last year. There's no reason why I shouldn't be able to go this year.

I'm going to try anyway. It's kind of strange. I'm feeling like I can't do it. But I'm choosing to ignore that feeling and just assume that I will be able to do it anyway. I haven't really tried this before. Usually I need lots of time and thinking and thinking and thinking to get myself convinced that I can do it. Now instead of convincing myself that I can do it I'm just going to do it. I hope that's a good idea...

I hope everything will be okay. Vacation will be in a month's time. Hopefully the depression will have lifted by then.

I want a kitten.

soundtrack: rem - its the end of the world as we know it (890609)