So... Is Bush winning? Or not? I don't know. American politics. Oh my.

Still a bit sick. But I felt well enough to go shopping. Past the goats and the metal detectors. I bought some Twists. They're extra high quality (and extra expensive) candy things. I remember when I decided to kill myself I bought those. Because I wanted to blow my money. No point in dying and leaving money behind. I remember sitting in front of the tv watching german tv. I wanted to be tired when I the time came, so I would stay up all night. Get no sleep. I'd watch The World's most exciting train journeys. Really fascinating program. You take a train. You put a camera in front of it. And then you tape the whole journey. No story, no people. Nothing. Just a train moving forward. Amazing. My favourite was from Burma. It was a train going through somekinda jungle. It was exotic, yet just the view from a train. No music, just the noise a train makes. Not a superfast electric whatsitnowadays train. An old fashion steam engine train. With that blowwhistle or whatever. Really amazing. Really. I can't describe it properly. I can't make it sounds as boring as it sounds. And when it doesn't sound boring enought then you can't appreciate how fascinating it really is. It's a train. That's it. Like meditation. I can't do the grandeur of it justice... But it was ...unique. And outside it was snowing. And I was drinking green soda. You can't get them in 1½ litre bottles. Only ½ litres. I bought a lot of them. They're more expensive then the usual ones I'd buy, but I as I said I had the money to blow. I Remember watching the jungle of burma go by while my heart was beating faster, knowing I'd die soon. I remember the great fear and great relief. I remember saying goodbye. I can't forget.

Nevermind. Stuff the flashbacks back down deep where they can't hurt anyone. Found below, creature's scream, stranglehold.

I completed Ultima 9 today. I was going to tell you how I played it for weeks and then 10 minutes before the end of the game I was stuck due to a fault in the game. But I fixed it! Yay! So I could end it. And delete it. I know have 1,5gb free on my hard drive. *sigh*. That's a relief. And the game was great, the ending nice. I wish I could spend more time in Britannia. Much better than real life. The Avatar would never consider suicide. He's the embodiment of the virtues. A true hero. I love the world they've built. I've played Ultima 6 (on the Amiga). I've completed Ultima 7 part 1. Almost completed Ultima 7 part 2. Completed Ultima Underworld 2. Completed Ultima 8: Pagan. And now Ultima 9. I've read fanfic. I've read messageboards about u9 before I even had it, before I even knew it'd work. I remember the first time I saw the Ascension news. Wow. It was amazing. I love Ultima. I love the way the world has progressed throughout the series. I love it. But all good things come to an end. As he said before he slit his wrists. Blabla. In the stars, the avatar and I. Ascended. It's ended.

Brøndby beat local rivals FC Copenhagen in the cup. That brightens my day. I love Brøndby. Ultima. Pumpkins. That's about it?

Skye just managed to avoid getting kicked out by her parents. Here's some of the stuff that was said. Mum : "I know you hate me and I hate you too". Dad : "If you don't do things the way we want we can ruin you". Fucking assholes. It makes me weep that they are like that. She's not perfect, sometimes she does things that aren't smart. But jesus, give her a break. I wish her strength. And no train travels in burma. What's a boy supposed to do..thekillerinmeisthekillerinyou

Oh what's the point?

Why are we here?

Whereforth art thou romeo?

Why bother?

I feel r.e.m.my..say goodbye, nice try.

try to hold on

to this love

a little bit longer

goodnight, starcrossedlovers-lost-in-between

NP: Pumpkins - Cherub Rock (freak out, give in, doesn't matter what you believe in)

...but I want you to know that I need you right now, I need you tonite...