I am Jack's shiny metal ass. Bite me.
Rule 17 - Don't mix your references
Don't you just love standing in a long queue at the supermarket and then the teller gets all mixed up and has to call for assistance to get the prize of your nth pineapple juice? And you feel the stare of so many people in your back. They're all thinking you're a freak for choosing that item, that one item, that clogs up the whole machinery and keeps them from hurrying home to their loved ones. Or the work they're skipping. I mean who shops at 945 hours? Werdos.
fucking come and find me... I'll be waiting...
It's a sunny day today. Don't you just hate it?
with a gun and a pack of sandwiches
I have a week left to live.
and nothing
My mum is jamming the pen into her forehead again.
nothing
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah.
screeeeaaaam
Babah.
guuguugachu
I saw Tina Dickow on tv today. Playing live. I almost didn't recognise her. I still see her as this smooth young 17 year old. Now she's all grown up and superstar.
latin simone
Well she will be. Mark my words. You should write everything I say down somewhere so you won't forget I said it. When she's on trl you'll want to remember that I foresaw it.
I'm the foreseer
Blehbeh.
don't even think about it, punk
Does anyone know a nice free webspace that allows MP3s? I hate prohosting...
wherez da mp3zzz d00d?
Mehlehbleh.
bah humbug
Nothing to write. So let's pull out one of the classic comedy routines. *pokes around in his superbag of comedy fun that never ever gets old*. Oh yes. This will do...
get ready for excitement extraordinaire
IT'S:
monty python style
FUNNY THINGS FOUND IN HOTMAIL!!!1
gigglesnort for the homies
For your enjoyment here are some assorted headlines from today's newspapers. And by that I mean from my hotmail account aka my spambox.
they're all real, folks!
omega_care@vlf.net - Do you or someone you love struggle with Sex ... (Yeah, we like it rough baybee!)
bjorn_vw@hotmail.com - TEEN SEX No Age Verification ... (Then how the fuck do you know they're teens?!?!)
xckhbasfja52756@msn.... - BREAK THROUGH WALLS WITH YOUR COCK! (Am I the only one who thinks that sounds painful?)
sector9man@friskyche... - I LOVE YOU AND I DON'T WANT YOU TO DIE!!!!!. (Now you'd think that was going to be a nice email wouldn't ya...?)
courtneyNY_cqorvp@ib... - I REALLY enjoyed our chat, misnxc (STOP STALKING ME COURTNEY LOVE!!! And get my name right next time... who's misnxc?)
ckiuqeojnc98266@msn.... - From Jenny (STOP STALKING ME JENNY MCCARTHY!!!)
Wendy678fd45 - Lifetime of FREE PORN!!! (iequoastio50) (That's a lot of porn!)
bjorn335@hotmail.com - Britney Spears Gives Good Head (Dude, are you the same Bjorn as the teen sex one? Not that I'm questioning wether britney gives good head or not. I'm sure she's above average. But lay off the teens, bjorn. You Swedish bastard! Teehhe.)
BOTH MEN AND WOMEN - EXPLODE YOUR SEX LIFE WITH HERBAL VIAGRA ! (DYNOOOO-MITE!!!)
jamie3409@hotmail.co... - I wish i could call in sick... (I know how you feel. Being unemployed is fucking demanding...)
now_lookinggood_yess... - => Bigger bosoms (Yeah, what about them? ...Nah, just kidding. I'm with you brother! BIGGGG ONESSSS)



It's time to close the Plume Spambag... *fanfare*
daaaaaaavid plumeman
There you go. Now that's comedy!
I'm the king of comedy
Reading spam is almost as funny as watching those tvshop infomercials that are so phoney that it almost seems like it's a parody. I mean they actually had the doctor/scientist guy taking off his glasses and looking profoundly through the screen at me. I was laughing my shiny metal ass off. Werdos. Who buys that stuff anyway? I bet they sneak around scratching cars just to get people to buy their miracle scrTHIS SKETCH HAS BEEN ABANDONED
it was going nowhere...
That filled out that entry...
that oughta hold the little sob's
I live for this and this. A year ago no one knew I existed. No one ever heard me. No one ever noticed me. I bet that's why I crave the little attention I can grab now. I bet that's why I check my guestbook 5 times a day. I bet that's why I feel like crap.
vanity must die
Lalalala.
sing along, you know how it goes
You and whose army? Spam's army. You follow me around. You follow me arooooound.
I'm a reasonable man, get off my case
I'm going to have to upload How I Made My Millions and make you all download it. I still insist you listen to it. Thom Yorke is god. Unclebob doesn't like Amnesiac. But then he says he didn't like Kid A either. I liked Kid A. I love Pyramid Song. I love You And Whose Army. Is Follow Me Around on Amnesiac? I don't even know the full tracklisting. I hope it's on. Bah. I'll love Amnesiac. There's a radio in my head and I can't turn it off. And it's playing our song. Dancing in the moonlight, it's caught me in its spotlight, it's all right, it's all right, we're dancing in the moonlight...Let it ...faall..
I forget
I love Radiohead b-sides. They're almost as good as pumpkin b-sides.
bsides who cares?
Blablaradiohead=good. Blablabpumpkins=good. Blabla. I think you've heard it all before?
so what? pop is dead, it's no great loss
G'night
don't trust the sandman
come back tomorrow and hear it all again
..you know how it'll go
np: pumpkins - my eternity (881123)