Last night I did something stupid. I was about to go to bed and I was reading some stuff on googlegroups. And I came across something about R. Budd Dwyer. I think it was a thread about memorable moments on tv. And someone mentioned him. He killed himself on live tv.
don't do it budd
And yeah, I still have this twisted fascination with dead. Dead people. The moments leading up to death. The terror. I've written about it before. September 11, Brandon Teena, Polly.

And it took me all of 15 seconds to find a movie file of the incident.
god bless the internet
Fucking hell. That was one of the sickest things I've ever seen. You can read a little about it here if you want to know the background. But basically he pulled a gun out of an envelope and shot himself.

I felt physically ill. And of course I had to go to bed right then. I'm not afraid of the dark but sometimes I do get freaked. And this thing freaked me. My heart was beating and I couldn't stop thinking about it. I did manage to fall asleep though. And I think I dreamt about it but not a horrible dream. I was expecting grim nightmares. But it wasn't that bad.

I wish I hadn't downloaded it. It gets awfully dark when you give in to the dark side. I guess the clip is from a "faces of death" videotape. They make videotapes just of dead scenes. Man. There was a page that listed on-camera deaths too. Chris Chubbuck was reading the news and shot herself. Someone was doing a traffic report and the helicopter crashed into the river while they were broadcasting. Vic Morrow and two children working on the Twilight Zone movie killed in another helicopter accident on the set. And all of it for low low prices. I guess I'm not the only one with a fascination of death. Or the terror.

A lot of sick people out there. And in here.

Also ever since I played that quicktime file I've had quicktime popups and qttask.exe and whatnot. Remind me to get an avi or an mpg the next time I want to download sick snuff.

That was supposed to be funny. But what can you do.

And nothing really happened today. Apart from a waterfall of blood flashing before my eyes all the time.

Tomorrow is the last game of the Danish soccer seasons. I have a bad feeling about it.

But we'll all be the same in the end anyway.

I apologize for this entry. But I needed to get it out of my system. Maybe my heart will slow down then.
I feel/am sick
nw: leverkusen - real madrid