The crows were crowing today. Cafer and I went to Bazar Vest to buy vegetables. And we had to go twice because the new guy there couldn't tell the difference between 30 kilos of potatoes and 30 individual potatoes. So that's 4 passes through the place with the many bird nests. And the crows were loud. Almost scary. Like a Hitchcock movie. Yeah, you know the one. Psycho. Or yeah. Birds, maybe.

It felt like a scene from Ronja Røverdatter. Taunting crows.

Celebrity lookalike of the day: the guy at the Bazar who looked like a thin Wayne Knight.

I like Wayne Knight. He cracks me up.

Holy Cackadoodle. Wayne Knight used to make a living as a PI. A private investigator. Weehee. I never knew that. That's cool. It's hard to imagine him being a P.I. and not acting like Don Orville. Hehe.

Not to change the subject or anything but I wonder if Saddam loves. All the things you hear about him. He seems like a Pepsi tyrant, the Hitler of a new generation. Does he have a wife? Does he see beauty in some things? Is it possible for a person to be completely evil all the way through with not one good thought, not one redeeming feature at all? Do you think he ever sits down on his bed and thinks "Fuck this, I'm getting plastic surgery and a condo in Florida"? I wouldn't want to be Saddam Hussein. I wouldn't want to be Bush either. Heck I guess it's okay to be me. That's what I'm stuck with so I might as well accept it.

I used to fantasize about swapping lives with the popular kids in the class. Morten. I used to wonder if all of his life was as perfect as it seemed. If he was as happy at home, if his parents appreciated how smart and good looking and well liked he was. I wanted to swap lives with him and see what it would be like to just have everything. I'm sure he would laugh if he knew that. I'm sure no one is all evil all the way through forever and no one is all good all the way through forever with a perfect life.

I wonder where Morten is now. Probably doing something meaningful. With lots of friends. He was a nice guy, I don't want it to seem like I resented him. Not at all. We were almost friends at some points of our school time. I just couldn't help being jealous some times. It seemed like he got everything handed to him. Lived under a lucky star. But then when you look at the night sky all the stars are beautiful, even the ones that aren't lucky I guess. I used to sit in my window and look at the night sky and dream about rocketships to the moon. Or digging up dinosaur bones in the yard. Somehow the holes I dug were never very deep. I never found any dinosaur bones either.

When I move out of here I'm going to dig a bloody great hole and bury something interesting there. And then in 30 years when a new family with a new little boy has moved in he can dig it up sometime and wonder about me. Kind of like I'm wondering about him now.

I miss being a kid. Sometimes. I don't like having to accept that I'm not going to dig up dinosaur bones or travel to the moon. Reality is never as much fun as childhood dreams.

I wonder what Saddam dreamt of when he was a kid. Mass destruction weapons? Heh. That reminds me again of being a little boy, running around with the other boys and pointing plastic weaponry at each other. Bang bang you're dead. We didn't grow up evil. I think. I remember my awesome unfoldable bazooka. That was king of the hill, talk of the town.

Maybe that's what war is all about. People that never grow up and still want to go play guns.

Maybe not.

If I was God I would make people stop being mean. Screw free will. You can't trust humans with that.

np: stereophonics - don't let me down (The Mr Chris Morris rockstar's mix cd)