My life has been... extraordinary, blessed and cursed and won.

The drugs don't work. That's the best Verve song. I was disappointed by Urban Hymns. It wasn't as brilliant as I'd thought. But that drug song was amazing. Yeah. I should do drugs. Just to escape. Or OD and I'm not talking about Open Diary. Ah, but I've never smoked, never drunk a beer, never kissed a girl. I've done nothing, I haven't lived... but....I had sex today! Well, granted it was in a computer game and they didn't show the nasty bits... but still.. I feel so alive! Phew, that Raven's a bit of all right, eh? Yeah, I'm high on Ultima 9. Mostly because I desperately need to finish it soon so I can free up the harddisk space. I found 100megabytes of Word backup/temp files that I could delete, so that helped. But I need more. And I need more Raven :-) woooah, someday I need to try that sex thing in real life. I'm 22 by the way. Haha, if you've played Ultima 7, do you remember the Unicorn? You'll laugh if you do. If you don't that's okay. Sign my analyzer and I'll explain it to you. I promise!

time for tonight's Pumpkin Radio (inspired by the kewl Starla June from Open Diary). I think this will be a regular feature. Then I'm sure that my entry will at least be longer then 2 lines. Yay!

GEEK USA

Lover lover let's pretend
We're born as innocents
Cast into the world
With apple eyes

To wish wish dangerous
My dear delirious
To try and leave
The rest of us behind

Kiss kiss all of this
The hiss that we had missed
And understand what can't be understood

Sear those thoughts of me
Alone and unhappy
I never liked me anyway

If by chance
Or circumstance
We should fail
Don't be so sad

Shot full of diamonds
And a million years
The disappointed disappear
Like they were never here

In a dream
We are connected
Siamese twins
At the wrist

And then I knew we'd been forsaken
Expelled from paradise
I can't believe them
When they say that it's alright

Words can't define what I feel inside
Who needs them?
Caught with this virus of my mind
I give in to my disease, of my needs
To my disease, of my needs
She really loves to break
Her dad says its OK
She really loves to break
And give it all away
Her ma says she's afraid
What more can she fake
She really needs to break
And give herself away
She gave it all away
She gave it all away
She gave it all away
We really love the USA

rawkin'
My day. Well I waked up feeling tired. I was planning to go to the bank. But I decided: Ah nuts to that, I'll just sleep the day away. Then I remember that I'd promised mother dear to buy the paper and See & Whore (hehe, sign my analyzer and I'll explain that one)... so I had to go up and go to the bank/shop. When going to the bank I'm faced with two possibilities. Bike or bus. The problem with taking the bike is that i'm in bad physical shape and it's a (fairly) long ride. The ride there is smooth an downwardsey but the ride home is uphill and killing. I always come home breathless. It takes me minutes to catch my breath. I feel like shit. So that's physical pain. The problem with the bus is people. I don't like people. People are okay, as long as I don't have to deal with them face to face in real life. But taking the bus means people. So that's emotional pain. To sum up: I have to pick either physical or emotional distress. I usually pick physical. And I did today. Took the bike and rode down to the bank. Activated my new bank card and withdrew this month's money for nothing. Stuffed it in my wallet, a nice dark thing that's falling apart. I've had it for 10 years or so. I think I bought it in Prague. But that's another story. Then I went to the Kvickly. What a wonderful name for a shop, no? I picked up the stuff I was supposed to and some extra escapism for myself. I even treated myself to a proper Coca Cola in a glass bottle. I thought it would be fun. I was wrong. But hey, it was worth a shot. Then I came home and passed out on the bed while leaving the computer to download another truckfull of pumpkin songs. It's a dirty job but somebody's got to not do it. And I sure can not do it well.

I need to write that email, I need to play some ultima, I need to check up on me diaries. I need to learn how to fly. I need to grab you and hold you close and never let you go. Look into your eyes and remember. I can't remember but I can't forget, turn my head, turn my head, it's aimed at you.

Wastefull thinking that you ever looked in MY eyes?

I apologize for this entry. The worst since I started taking this diary semi seriously. But I guess we all have ways to fall, depths to plunge to, deeps to decend. I'll try harder next time. And fail. Cause that's what pessimism means. I'm just a sucker with no self esteem. Deeper than I thought we'd go NP: Pumpkins - Try To Try (I am what I am, I am what you make me, And I'll fuck with you as you fuck with me)

...she's the one for me, she's all i really need...