"you've changed" he said. "I know" she replied. They looked at each other. Didn't know what to say next. So she got up and left. He just sat there. Feeling alone. Thinking about her. And then it started to rain.

to belong
outcast
be strong
die fast
I remember when I belonged. Not like I was popular. At all. But still at recess the crowd would gather at my table. I don't know why. Probably because I was too lazy to go to theirs. And I almost always (throughout the years) sat in the corner. So it was a good place to gather. People sitting in the windowspace. Spending the 5 minutes talking about nothing untill the bell rang. The longer breaks we'd go outside and play soccer. With a tennisball. I was pretty good. Probably made myself seem better than I was. But when we were playing soccer I mattered. Good feeling. Yeah. During the hours of the school I wasn't that alone. Only when I came home that I was on my own. And all the countless parties I never went to. And the few I did. I remember biking around Sara's house, just up and down the road. Typical teenage love, hoping she'd somehow see me and invite me in. Heh. Kinda funny in a sad way. Biking past looking at the lights in the windows. Wondering if I saw her shadow move. That's a nice little pumpkins phrase. Let's go mad Pumpkins-style.

A song that makes me weep willowingly

GALAPAGOS

ain't it funny how we pretend we're still a child
softly stolen under our blanket skies
and rescue me from me, and all that i believe
i won't deny the pain
i won't deny the change
and should i fall from grace here with you
will you leave me too?

carve out your heart for keeps in an old oak tree
and hold me for goodbyes-and-whispered lullabyes
and tell me i am still
the man i'm supposed to be
i won't deny the pain
i won't deny the change
and should i fall from grace here with you
will you leave me too?

too late to turn to turn back now, i'm running out of sound
and i am changing, changing
and if we died right now, this fool you love somehow
is here with you
i won't deny the pain
i won't deny the change
and should i fall from grace here with you
would you leave me too?

a gogo kids... as always. I wonder if I can feel anything if the smashing pumpkins aren't playing in the background? What if I'm truly numb, cold, heart of stone... and only they can bring out any emotions in me? To ink the lavender skies. I wonder if they are the question that brings the answer "42". I think so. To me they are. Get back get back where you belong. Wouldn't it be funny if Britney Spears was the new messiah and I rejected her because I hate her music? Wouldn't that be the funniest thing since sliced bread? I'd laugh so hard I'd cry. I'm losing it, can't you tell?

Happy Halloween to everyone who lives in a country where that may apply. In Denmark we don't have halloween. But we do have a halloween night on one of the national tv channels. So light some candles in a pumpkin for me. I think that looks good. In horror movies and such. But that's just me and that's how a player's got to be.

It's starting to rain outside. Tonight it better last till I go to bed.

Feeling semi-human. Today... is a semi-okay day. Wanna go for a ride? If I talk in fragments of other people's thoughts then maybe I'll capture something real. Maybe I'll find the truth buried in there somewhere. Maybe I'll see what they see when they see what they see.
Or maybe I won't

I think that's all for tonight. Don't forget to forget.

NP: Pumpkins - Disco King (you run, you run, you run so slow)

...born to please every simple need...