Don't you just hate Mondays? Mondays are like that guy you never invite to your party but he just keeps showing up anyway. Everybody hates him but he just waltzes through the door and helps himself to your expensive cake.

All the rest of us are talking to Saturday and Friday. Monday is just standing around, sort of laughing to himself as if someone has told a great joke to him. And when he is finally so drunk that he can barely stand on his feet he sort of staggers out through the door, knocks over your mailbox and says "hey, see you next week guys!".

And you think to yourself: "Okay, that's it. We're moving away from this neighbourhood". But then deep inside you get that dark, nasty feeling. You know. You just know, if you move away from here and you hold a housewarming party at your new place... Monday is going to show up. Like a homing pigeon. Or like that story about the doggie that gets lost across the country but miraculously finds his way home to his family in California.

Except this isn't a miracle. It's more like a prophecy of doom. It's satan staring back at you and laughing. It's a firebreathing demon. It's that clown that everyone is scared of. And at his feet are the bodies of all the good clowns, all covered in blood.

Even if you did somehow succeed in killing Monday himself, you still won't escape. Just as you sit down and light up a cigar to congratulate yourself Tuesday walks up to you. You think he'll say "great job, we're finally rid of Monday!". But no. Instead he says "I have a little surprise for you". And then dramatic music suddenly plays from out of nowhere and Tuesday pulls off his own face revealing the grim bony death of Monday underneath. And you can kill Tuesday but then Wednesday will pull off HIS mask and you're once again faced with Monday. And if you kill Wednesday then Thursday will appear and scream "I am Monday's long lost twin, it's time for me to take his place!". And it goes on and on. You can't kill Monday. You can't make him pay. Someone will always take his place. If you do strike him down then he will just rise again. Like some twisted anti-Jesus. Or a dark Jedi. Killing him will only make him more powerful. It is neverending. It is pain until the end of time.

It is the unescapable fact that we're all going to die. No matter what you do. No matter how great everything is. You're still going to die.

And you know that once you do die, Monday is going to be right there at the wake, taking a piss in your coffin and hitting on your widow.

You know?

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