I had a nice morning. MTV churning in the background. Suddenly a nice threesome. First Outlandish's Aicha (she don't know she the light of my life, no she don't know). Then R.E.M.'s Bad Day (count your blessings, we're sick of being jerked around, we all fall down, it's been a bad day, please don't take my picture, it's been a bad day, please...). And then Mew's 156 (In a big big way, I am really small). A perfect musical background to begin the day. I was even a couple of minutes late for work because I wanted to watch all of the Mew video. It's still freaky. That elephant pirate boss crying because he thinks the girl is in the burnt down house. Yeah, you have to watch it to know what I mean. Actually I have watched it lots of times now and I'm still not sure what it's all about.

There's a part of that song (156, pay attention!) that reminds me a little of old feelings concerning Skye and I...

I won't care for you
Like I'm really supposed to
There are things I'll do
That could really hurt you

I still worry about hurting her. Often. But now at least I know that I'll care for her. Always and enough. It took a long time before I knew though. Before I knew it was enough, before I knew I could do it. Before I was able to let myself have all those feelings. I didn't want to hurt. And I didn't want to hurt her. And of course my hesitation to open up for it all did hurt her. It's almost a year since we met for the first time. I think things have gotten a lot better since then. And we'll be okay. I wish things had been easier, I wish I could have done so many things better. But I think it serves to my credit that I have kept trying and that we are where we are now. We haven't gotten anything handed to us easily. But we've gotten this far anyway. So while I wish I could have done better I am at least glad that I have done what I could.

Sorry, I didn't meant to start making inventory of my life. I just wanted to tell you about my morning. Normally I don't watch MTV. I have another guilty pleasure. Zingalong. "Zingalong with Zoe, Zing and the Zingameebobs". I'm not ashamed that I watch children's morning tv. I am a little ashamed that I watch it because the presenter is cute. But it's a nice way to start the morning. With kids singing. I don't zing along though.

After the many musical delights I went to work. Nothing too interesting happened. Johnny came in. He's been gone for a while. He's been in the hospital. Something about his legs. He's not even supposed to be walking now, I don't know how much we'll see him. I hope he'll be okay. He might have to undergo surgery. It's a complicated thing. He has a tumor. It's benign, not cancer. But it affects his legs. Scary stuff.

Why isn't davidxcohen ever online?

Now I'm off to bed, I say.

Hooray.

np: nothing