Dear Being John Malkovich,

How are you? Are you still being John Malkovich? Or are you taking a break now that the movie is released and all? I was wondering if you could help me maybe. It's Sunday. A very boring day. With nothing to do. So I'm thinking that if I could be John Malkovich just for the Sunday it would help me pass the time. I'm not sure how it works. Is it still possible to get into Malkovich's head? Or has the portal been closed?

Of course I'm sure Malkovich wouldn't be happy about it. But we don't really have to tell him. I'll just sit down quietly in the back of his mind and not do anything. I would just watch. I promise. A Sunday In A Star. That's all I want.

Better than this place. Can you believe it? The weekend is over and no snow. And it's even December 1st! Why couldn't it snow on December 1st? That would have been perfect in ways I can't even imagine. Instead I'm left with a grey, boring day. I bet you it snows in Malkovich's head. Where's my Narnia when I need it?

And I'm upset about Division of Laura Lee. They blatantly stole the name of my future band. Sure they changed it from Division By Laura Lee to Division of Laura Lee. But they stole it. They must have had a portal to my head. How else could they possibly have picked the same band name as I did? They were live in the studio on mtv today. And where is my band? Not even formed yet. They will be the ones suing me if I ever use the name. It's not fair.

Help me. Help me Being John Malkovich. You're my only hope.

Yours Truly

Plume Malkovich