I woke up to a sign on the bathroom door. "DO NOT FLUSH THE TOILET!". You know the feeling when you're not sure if you're awake or you're still half asleep and what you're experiencing is just the leftovers of dreams?

But it was reality. The plumbers were... doing plumbing. As plumbers do. All the water was cut off. So we rioted and behaved badly and degenerated into savages. And then a couple of hours later the water was back and we done our civilized suits again.

The Danish soccer season started today. With the Super Cup. Brøndby won it. It was nice seeing the team again. It's going to be an interesting season. With Michael Laudrup as our new coach. We're off to a good start anyway.

Hey, that was boring. Here is something funny instead. Bill Gates presenting Windows 98. And possibly the first blue screen error in recorded history. Only likely not. Up for a while then gone.

If you wait I will wait...

2 years ago today Skye signed my guestbook at my old site. My first. She compared me to Billy Corgan. Hehe. Sweet and silly. We're still talking today. She's pretty amazing. Sweet, wonderful, sexy. You name it. And also there's the little fact that she loves me. Yeah. I know a lot of people will say it's not possible to fall in love with someone over the internet. But I disagree. It's all pretty complicated though. She lives in the netherlands, I'm in Denmark. I'm a crippled scared bum. I've gone for so long thinking that no one could ever love me. But she's almost convinced me that it might be possible. And if I could get over my phobias and fears and faults then I could see myself having a future with her. Being with her. Sometimes it feels like she's my only hope for a real life, a real existence. Which is a lot better than no hope. I never thought I'd be talking about marriage and children and love and being happy. A couple of years ago I thought I was just waiting to die. Well, we're all waiting to die. But the possibility of some happiness before that.. it just seemed far away. Now it's closer.

But it's scary too. Very scary. I hurt her when I do things wrong. And I do lots of things wrong. And things I don't do. I don't want to let her down. Again. I don't want her to hurt. I want us to be happy. And together. And you may laugh, but it might happen. I'm scared of it all, but it might happen.

I haven't really talked about her a lot. There are some things I'm more shy about than others. And I'm still afraid of the day when I'll have to say "oh remember the girl who loved me? Yeah, she realized who I am and now she's gone and I'll die alone". But maybe that won't happen. Who knows.

I feel very close to her. Even though I've never met her. I couldn't blame her if she wanted someone else. 2 years and I still haven't said we can meet yet. But I'm trying. And she's waiting for me. Still.

I'm sure this all sounds stupid. I'm sure I forget things I wanted to say. I don't deal well with feelings and emotions. Especially of this kind. But she did deserve an entry. She's been there for me, she's helped me with my problems, she's made me see how cute some things can be. The greatest orgasms and sweetest kisses. She's one of the best things that's ever happened to me. And I hope I don't fuck it all up.

Only in dreams...

np: radiohead - true love waits (010630)