you remind me... of that leak in my soul

another day gone

where do they all go?

gone gone gone

I'm all by myself... .as I've always felt.....

mhm

Mother and brother went to bingo. Spaceboy bingo. Empty house, like I prefer it. I made spaghetti for myself. I don't know if it's spelled spaghetti, but that's what I made. While I was cooking I had Let Me Give The World To You blasting out the computer speakers. Cool. That's the right atmosphere to cook spaghetti in. Almost italian. Well, not italian. Not italian at all actually. But it worked for me. In Storytellers Billy says about LMGTWTY that it's a boy saying to a girl : "Let me give the world to you because obviously nothing else is going to fucking make you happy"... that's just not what it means to me. To me it's a boy saying to a girl: "let me give the world to you because you're so amazing that I fucking want to"... ah well, I always was a bit lost when it comes to song interpretation. Heck if I didn't have internet I probably wouldn't be able to make out half the lyrics. But spfc is great for lyrics. And once I've read the lyrics I'll go "of course, THAT'S what he's singing." 'palms ashore desert dunes' becomes 'planned a show trees and balloons'... hehe. Oh whatever. Let me give the world to you, let me give the world to you my love... ..I just think it's beautiful. Might possibly just be my favourite smashing pumpkins song. That or Blank Page. Or Disarm for importance. Or ... oh, I better stop. I could go on all night. I go along, just because I'm lazy. I go along to be with you ... I love the way Luna ends... I'm in love with you, I'm in love with you, I'm in love with you, I'm in love with you, I'm in love with you, I'm in love with you... okay, maybe it's better when you hear the music too...

we dismiss the backroads, to ride these streets unafraid...

The shaft theme song was on tv today. Brand new. I didn't like it much. I prefer the simpsons karaoke version. But I never heard the original. Maybe it's supposed to sound the way it did. I just thought the female voice parts were too weak. But I can dig it. And I dig Samuel L. Jackson, he one kool jedimothafucka...

if you love I will love, if you run I will run... to my last breath...

I got good news from skye today. She got her computer back, so we can talk again. Still only an hour every day but that's good enough. I remember when we first started talking we'd talk all night... that was the vacation so she didn't have school. I never have anything. We talked so much it was almost too much... now it's almost not enough. It's up and down and all around. But I'm glad she's back. as always in young need, a veiled promise to never die

And apart from that nothing happened, nothing ever happens, nothing ever changes. You're still the same. May you rise as you fall.

I found another danish diary, how nice.... Siff. I wonder if there are any others out there.... I like the way she writes, it's beautiful. More elegant than my incoherent ramblings. But now the danes are taking over Diaryland! You'll see some changes soon. First of all we'll change it to dagbogsland.com... oh yeah, don't think we won't... Like Vikings we'll conquer you all... or something.

mhmhmhm... Tomorrow we'll get a visitor. My mother's brother (I can never remember family terms... what is he? my uncle? Whatever...). His name is Bent. Now you'd think I was happy getting a visit from a family member... but oh you're forgetting the anxiety, the phobia, the general fear of human beings... hopefully I'll be able to sleep through the whole thing. So he can go back to the rest of the family and tell them that I'm still a freak. Of yeah. The freakshow's coming to town...

Bent is saved by the way. He used to be a badboy and an alcoholic. Then he found god. Now he says grace before he eats and there are little handknit signs hanging around his house "jesus is great etc"... and hey good for him. If he needed to invent a god to find strength then that's fine. I'm glad he got out of the trouble he was in. I just personally believe that the strength he found was inside him and inside his wife and inside his kids. Not inside Jesus. But whatever. Now he's getting a divorce by the way. Where's your messiah now? Yeah. It's a bit sad. I think my mother sympathizes more with his wife even though he's her brother. But we all know that till death do you part is a hollow refrain...

g'night, I love you till death parts us... and then some

np: Pumpkins - Set The Ray To Jerry (and I want you, and I need you)

...love is what you keep, love is what you need...