Another vacation day. Nothing to say. Nothing has been done. Lying around. Playing South Park on the ps1. What a crappy game. Hah. I still want to kick that giant turkey butt though. Watching TV. Wanting the Buffy DVDs. If only money would fall out of the sky.

And so on and so forth.

Why'd you have to go and make things so complicated. Haha. Etcetera.

I wanted to write about the babies. We were talking about the babies last night. Skye and I. Is there any thought more amazing than holding your own baby? Having a kid. Creating a new life. It makes me cry to think of it. I don't know if I deserve something that good. I'm worried that if I had a kid the powers that be would strike me down with lightning. "Sorry, we weren't paying attention for a year or two. You weren't supposed to get this far. Honestly, we didn't think you would. Our bad".

I don't know. I can't really see myself as a father. But I can see myself holding my baby. Is that a paradox?

I would be scared.

<self pity mode>

I don't deserve anything good anyway. You have to go for things to deserve them. And I never go for things. I sit back and make excuses. I deserve what I get. I have it coming. Lightning crashes.

</self pity mode>

Maybe I should just go get drunk

np: saybia - in spite of (021123)