Don't you just hate Tuesdays?

Oh well, I guess not. Tuesday's alrite. Let's not start that again.

Another summery day. Of little importance. Everything seems to be at a standstill. Caught in the sun like a moth to a light bulb. Sometimes I feel like I'm melting. When I'm in the gym and my legs are pumping and beads of sweat form on my knuckles and people are sunbathing on the lawn outside the windows.

I think I'm back in shape again. Such as it is. Or such as it was before vacation at least. There is still a long way to go before I'm in a healthy shape. But I'm trying.

My father leaves tomorrow morning. Back to Greenland. To teach the kids and hunt the polar bears. I'm pretty sure at least 50% of that sentence is true. It will be nice to have the house back in peace. And it will help me get healthy again. He is so good at judging. My mother mostly. He judges her so harshly. He might not be like that to me outwardly but I have become more and more like my mother so I know he is judging me too. I don't think it was by pure chance that my mother actually started losing weight the last time he was in Greenland. It's not easy to make yourself better when you are constantly judged and berated.

When he is here eating becomes something that is wrong. You have to sneak around. And you stop thinking "should I eat this, do I need to eat this?" and instead you think "how can I eat this without him finding out". I'm trying to get back to eating healthy again. Enjoying my salads. Skye showed my provence herbs. Good things. When dad is gone it will be easier. My mother has her faults no doubt but at least she won't judge me over eating. Because she has the exact same problem.

That reminds me, I need to go to the weight watching thing that she uses sometime soon. They have helped her. I just want to get in a little better shape first. I'm almost out of sodas, my little storage corner in my room is almost done. And I am determined that when it's empty I will not buy new ones. I will stick with mineral water. And then working out and eating healthier. And in a month's time or so I think I will be ready to go the weight watchers thing. That's the plan.

I have to talk to Charlotte the psych at the Reva center soon too. About that psychiatric evaluation. There is still no date set for it as far as I know. And no news about the new workplace, I must talk to Knud Erik about that.

So much to do. So much to fix. I feel like I'm spinning plates, there's never any peace. There's always something new to attend to.

I need new glasses too. And I must start to look for guitar lessons. Being healthy is no good if I don't work on my rockstar ambitions too. I would settle for being normal. I would love to just be normal. But hey, why not shoot for the stars?

I think I should visit the goats soon. I need a little fix of happiness. They never fail to provide that. Adorable little scamps.

soundtrack: david pajo - 'cept you