So... no more smashing pumpkins. And life goes on. such as it is.

I couldn't help being just a little disappointed at their final setlist. Not that it was bad. It was just all the rumours about all the old and rare songs they'd be playing. For sure Jennifer Ever... maybe Nothing & Everything.... or how about Tales of a Scorched Earth (which has never been played live before) ..and so on. But whatever, now it's over. And it changes nothing. I'll still love them, I'll still download songs all day (when I get that new fking hard drive). And there's still stuff to be released on the net, old stuff, rare stuff, 733+ stuff. It ain't over till it's over and it ain't over. Nothing Ever Changes. Last night I played machina acoustic demos over and over and periodically looked at the dreamy billy pic I put in my last entry. Sort of half cried for no good reason. Who cares? They're just a rock and roll band. We'll all be the same in the end. Go ask Joe.

They should've played Jennifer Ever man... they should...

Oh and I've composed a song, here goes (unrelated to the pumpkins but still a masterpiece):

nip slip nip slip nip slip slip slip nip slip nip slip nip slip EVERYBODY NOW: nip slip nip slip nip slip nip slip nip slip

I'm going to record it and do a performance with Britney Spears on drums and Christina Aguilera on guitar. And me on vocals. We're going to party hardy. And WE'LL play Jennifer Ever. Cause we love our fans. She is so high, she is so high, I wanna crawl all over her/you. she knows she knows she knows.

I'm going to the moon

Well, I wish I could do a proper tribute piece of writing, but it won't be as good as all the other pumpkins fans doing their tributes or whatever blablabla

I'll miss 'em is all.

Stars fall in

And as the pumpkins end so does my "need" quotes. If you've paid attention (and I don't suppose you'll have) then you'll have noticed that I've ended every entry for a while with a smashing pumpkins quote containing the word Need. And then my signature/link The Boy Who Really Needs. I always thought that was so very clever of me. I hope somebody noticed. But no more need quotes. So now I'll just use some regular quotes. From the Now Playing song. God I must confuse my readers, someday I'll go back and rewrite all the entries so they're actually readable and understandable my daydream seems like one inside of you.

My eternity aloneeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Let's lift the mood with some email spam funny business. I got an email with the subject "Your CD?"... it went like this:

From: british01@excite.com

Subject: Your cd?
Date: Thu, 30 Nov 00 14:03:51 Pacific Standard Time
CLICK HERE FOR Shaved Twats
CLICK HERE FOR Shaved Twats

Ain't that beautiful? I bet if I clicked those links I'd get my CD.

What else... apart from the destruction of the human race/the sp break-up..... My mother wanted to put a nice christmas picture in as our desktop background. I said "no, since I deleted that Salma Hayek titty fuck background I think it's only fair if we keep the background empty". Well, not in so many words. But there's no christmas background. Why should there be? Christmas sucks. Even the Grinch is good at the bottom of his heart. I think. I don't know him, just that it's a Jim Carrey film. I used to love Jim Carrey, I don't think I do anymore. But he's still good for a laugh, and what more can you ask for? Religious mass suicide? I think not.

Speaking of christmas and nuclear bombs, the xxxmas calendars have started. Do you have those? A tv calendar with 24 episodes culminating in rape and murder and kids having a fun christmas. Anyways, I caught a little bit of one of the disney like songs that the characters sing every five minutes to make the darn thing last long enough till the next commercial break. And the song was about December. I don't remember the exact lyrics but it was something like "why is it that in december you're never down? Why is december so good...". ..and I thought that was a bit funny since December is probably the number 1 suicide month and everbody who's sane must be down at some point during December. I'm not really going anywhere with this I just wanted to point out that DECEMBER SUCKS AND I HATE CHRISTMAS. And deep down I have a nice heart and sense of decency and my last name is Grinch. Now go peel me a banana, kiddo. That's what I'm paying you for.

I'm spreading like a disease, I'm born in the underground and I can't decide wether to be blue in the face or smoke in the hall.

I confuse myself but that's okay cause so are you

I deny all I deny all I deny all

I'm in denial.

like the sun I am one, yeah I am one

I just flashed my computer. I'm a sex monster and I'm not afraid to show it. Now take off your pants and call me darling.

You should go download Tina Dickow's two songs from napster. She's great. They might call her Tine dickow but it's the same one. I recommend her. She'll be the new smashing pumpkins only better. But worse of course.

I think that's all. All that I have to give. I'm a giver, it's christmas and I'm feeling slightly santa.

g'night, don't open your presents till your parents say it's okay.

NP: East (alternate)

...I'm not too sure who I really am...