The sweetest thing happened today. At the playground. A little girl came up to me and said "All the animals seem to really like you". Aww. That was so sweet. Made me all happy.

She was there with a friend. And they wanted to pick up Magnet. But he kept running away from them. So she came to me to see if I would help them. Since the animals like me so much. I love that. By the time she had asked me though her friend had gotten Magnet up in her arms. So I didn't need to help.

I would love to think the animals like me. There once was a time when I thought no one could ever like me. That has changed. It's a good feeling. It's a good feeling that the kids see me as someone who is nice and can help. I like that. I'm not some freak to be laughed at, I'm a nice person that they can talk to. That playground really is going to play a big role in my therapy I think.

It made my day.

And I needed that. Because the hospital business didn't go as I had hoped. Didn't go horribly either. Just... I didn't get what I want. I am however going to have some tests done and then we'll see. It looks likely that I'll have to lose weight before I can get what I want. That's what I expected, really. I just would have liked to get it now. Right now. This minute. It's something that could mean so much for me. I don't know how long it'd take for me to lose the necessary weight. I don't want to wait.

Sorry for being cryptic about it. But ah. We'll see what happens. I need to have some x-rays taken and then we'll go from there. At least it's progressing.

I had tried to keep my hopes down too. It's just hard. Hard not to imagine what it could be like. Hard not to look in the mirror and imagine being normal. Hard not to lie in bed at night and not dream of a normal life.

Patience, patience. It's a good thing I'm stronger now. As I left the hospital I did feel the fleeting thoughts, the luring depression. The "nothing ever goes the way I want" thought. The "I'll never be okay" thought. The "Just get a gun, that will solve everything" thought. But I don't listen to them. They can't hurt me. They no longer control me.

I sound like Stuart Smalley don't I? "I'm smart enough and doggone it, people like me". Hehe.

It's hard to be depressed when you have the playground waiting for you anyway. Although at first I couldn't find my goats and sheepies. I was worried they had gone away. But then suddenly Mads came walking up to me. And I heard Mathilde Baaahing somewhere. They were hiding behind a little hill. Silly animals.

Good to see them again. In that picture they are closely watching a guy who was walking his dog out on the street. I don't think goats like dogs much. They're always on guard when they see one.

Magnet the giant. Getting bigger and bigger.

I wonder what Mads is thinking. Sometimes it looks like they're going to duke it out.

Magnet is getting braver. A week ago he'd jump away quickly. Now he sort of lowers his head like he's going to charge at Mads. But if Mads starts going at him then he's quickly gone. Mads is still too big to take on.

I wonder what will happen when Magnet is fully grown? How territorial are male goats? I hope they can still be together. It'd be endlessly sad if one of them had to leave. I don't know who I'd want to stay. It just wouldn't be the same withouth Mads.

"I'm a biker".

But then Magnet is so adorable.

I wouldn't know who to pick.

Not that it would be my decision anyway. But I hope they will be friends forever. Forever? Forever ever.

Had fun with the lambs too.

They're starting to like my jacket almost as much as Mads does.

Hehe. They were both coming up to me and nibbling at my pants and coat. Fun.

They're not nearly as aggressive about it as Mads. I wonder what it is about my jacket that makes it so attractive to them.

White was interested in the slide.

It reminded me a little of Bambi. Once White got up there and tried to walk upwards, he was on thin ice I think.

Better to just lie down and relax yes.

Not for Magnet though.

Still jumping around with joy.

Aah. There's nothing like walking around with the animals to make you feel good. I hope it's true that the animals like me. I certainly haven't seen Mathilde let anyone else pet her on the body.

Of course she doesn't always let me do it. But she comes up to me, she sniffs at my hand, she looks like she's almost going to chew on my jacket. Good times. Animals are great.

They make my day good.

Before I go I want to mention my dream from last night. Hehe. The road rage guy was in it! I met him on some market square. And we hugged! Odd. Very very odd. But I guess it beats reality where he screamed and threatened at me.

Also in the dream I met my old friend from school, Stefan. He gave me a CD he had put out. By google searching I have found that he had his own record label for a while, so I guess that's what inspired the dream. Also he was hanging out with two guys. Celebrities of some sort. I don't remember who they were. But I remember they were very tall, maybe basketball players. And I remember saying "Okay, but I'm going to go now because the three of you are so tall that you make me feel like a hobbit".

Hah.

I'd make a good hobbit. Living in Bag End with a couple of goats and sheeps. Enjoying good wine and fine food and the splendid countryside. Oh yes.

Bye!