...And the worst thing is that it wasn't that bad. He has behaved fairly well and all the bad feelings are coming from memories and my own weaknesses. I'll still blame him though.

Yes, it's wonderful to have a father again. And my brother home. And to top it all off my uncle Bent came over for a visit with his new girlfriend that I've never met before. The more the merrier.

He had a wonderful sweet wife and two adorable kids who probably did more for saving him from alcoholism and crime than religion ever did. And now he's turned his back on them and gotten a divorce. But I hope he's happy. And god have mercy on his soul.

Her name is Pia. She's very friendly. They're getting married soon. I miss Annette. I remember their wedding. I won't be going to the new wedding. I probably won't get to know her. I never go on family trips anymore. And whenever anyone comes here I retreat to my room.

Actually I can't do that anymore... now I have to be in the living. Because the computer is there.

Damn. It's harder to avoid people now.

I feel like this every time I leave the house. This nervousness. Wanting to find a hole and bury my head. I just hate having to feel it in my own home. It's like there's nowhere to hide now.

I'm so uncomfortable, I wanted to crawl out of my skin.

But visitors are gone now. So it's just the family of four left. And I want to be someone else or I'll explode. Nice winamp timing.

But let me introduce some people.

My dear dad. What a charmer. He's a pathetic person really. And I'm not saying that out of spite or childishness. He really is. One day I'll tell his story and you can see for yourself.

But he brought me a mini-can of sprite and some chocolate so it's ok.

And this is my mum on the left and then Bent and his soon-to-be new wife. I bet she's good in bed. She's got a better body than the ex. A new model. I wonder if it's love. I wonder if he still reads the bible and has a jesus saves sign.

I apologize for the quality of the pictures as always. Cheap camera. And the only way I can take pictures of people is to sneak up to them and quickly take the picture and then flee the scene. Otherwise people might get the chance to look at me and then I'd burst into flames or get the plague or just feel bad. So I can't set up the shot and get the best angle. Or even hold the camera still. Tough luck.

If I could have once wish granted in this life it would be that my mum would stop calling Dolly Parton "Dolly Patton".

But I'm okay I guess. I'll get through it like a brave soldier. Onwards and upwards.

Maybe I should go out and join the celebrations in the neighbourhood. Turkey is in the World Cup semi-finals and there are a lot of turks around here. I guarantee you that Cafer is ecstatic. I'll hear all about that on Monday.

And now it's late and I'll go and sleep and dream and then it'll be ok.

plume: I hate my life and I want to die
ELLEgirlBuddy: you hate your life and you want to die, huh?
plume: : yes
ELLEgirlBuddy: yeah, huh?
plume: : shoot me
ELLEgirlBuddy: i'm sorry, but i can't talk about that topic... type "home" 2 see what i can chat about.

np: radiohead - the national anthem