THE PLUME FAQ
Brought to you by the good people at Plume's World Domination Center.
(this faq is getting slightly outdated. I have made a few updates but a bigger revamp is in order. If you have any real questions, just ask me in the guestbook or over email)
What's a Plume?
http://www.m-w.com/cgi-bin/dictionary?plume
That's really helpful, thanks. But why is your diary called plume?
It's a song by The Smashing Pumpkins. And you can write with a plume and you can have a nom de plume and stuff. It's all totally related, you dig? Plume is me. I am Plume. Welcome to my insanity.
Why would you like to waste my time?
"How I'd love to waste your time"? That's a quote from another Smashing Pumpkins song called Saturnine. I thought it was fitting. Because I do love to waste your time. And mine. And before you ask "You say I'm empty? We all know I'm full of shit" from the older page is yet another pumpkin toon. Dross. You say I'm tragic, I say it's magic kid. You say I'm lucky, we all know it's in the cards.
So you really like The Smashing Pumpkins?
Yes. Yes I do. Everyone should love a band as much as I love them. You can't argue taste but I really think they're quite good. In fact I think they are the best thing ever. Although Billy Corgan's new band Zwan is pushing them. I used to run a couple of mp3 sites too. Sharing the love. Sharing the music. Until the man brough it down.
Hey Plume, you're a chick right?
No. I'm not. I'm a heterosexual male person. And to the best of my recollection I've never worn a dress in my life.
Well, you must be American cause your French sucks.
No, I'm Danish. That's why there's a Danish flag on the left there, smartie. And that's why my grammar and punctuation is borderline psychotic at times.
Ah Denmark. That's the capital of Sweden right?
No, it's not. You're not doing very well. Denmark is a small nation of proud pig farmers. And some other people. I live in Århus on Jutland. Jutland is a peninsula stuck right on top of Germany. But I suck at geography so don't trust me on that.
How old are you? Like 13?
No. I'm 26 now. But mentally I'm still a dumbass idiotic teenager. You're only as old as you feel.
When is your birthday then?
March 15th. Et tu Brute?
What is this Barn place you keep referring to?
It's my former workplace. It's an old barn-turned-community center. Go look at the Cast'n'Places page.
Why does it seem like you're not happy going there?
I'm lazy. Also I suffer from social phobia and society left me to rot for years in my bedroom. I don't particularly enjoy being forced out and being among people now. But it's all for the better. I guess. That's the plan anyway.
You aren't actually talking about the Barn anymore though, now you're talking about some kind of center?
That would be the Reva Center. Reva Center Nord even. Revalidation. People can test their work skills and get help with lots of different things. I'm working in the montage (putting stuff together, packaging stuff, boring menial labour) and in the computer room (going to be taking a PC driver's license I hope). Also I work out in the gym, trying to get in better shape.
Wait a minute. You stopped talking about the center now?
Yes. The good people at the Reva center got me a place at Kulturs:ats. An ad agency sort of thing. I make their monthly flyer and poster. And other fun things. Not a bad place so far.
Are you depressed or happy?
I'm a suicidal guy who's afraid of dying and everybody's a comedian.
That's lame. You're avoiding the question
Well, suck it up d00d.
What's with all the clix links? Shouldn't diaries be about personal expression and not silly popularity contests?
That comes from my very low self esteem. In real life no one ever notices me or cares or anything like that. So to compensate I try to get some online lubbing. Sure it's not right but that's how it is. Everytime you clix me or sign my guestbook or my slambook or any of the other whore stuff I got it's one step away from depression. But don't worry, I'll take two steps back later.
But you are a total slut, right?
Hell yeah.
What sort of music do you like apart from them mashing somethings?
Rock and/or roll generally. With emotions please. Most of the bands I like are 10 years old and very likely broken up by now. There's nothing like living in the past. Music sucks today. You kids don't know what you're missing.
Danish music is improving though. Lots of exciting artists. Mew, Kashmir, Outlandish, Saybia, Tina Dickow, Carpark North. The list goes on. Check them out if you get the chance. And check out my mixes too. Good stuff.
But I heard that you have a signed Jennifer Paige CD! That can't be right?
Oh but it is. I won it. I have won two of her CDs. I sold one and kept the signed one. Hey maybe one day it'll be worth something. It's juuuust a little cruuush. Come on, you gotta like that. I hate MTV yet I can't look away. Thank god for the mute button and pretty ladies.
You sound like a dirty old pervert. Got any fetishes?
I don't think I'm that old? Anyway, I have a thing for celebrities. I guess it comes from a that period when I was completely isolated and tv was all I had to keep me going. Anyone slightly famous turns me on in a big way. Go figure. I'm not proud of it but I have a nice collection of celeb pics and movies. The Pamela Anderson home video is my dead sea scrolls. Or holy grail. Or whatever.
Also I have an oral fixation. I'm obsessed with blowjobs. I'm fascinated by mouths and tongues and... Ehm, so to answer your question: No, I'm not perverted at all. Haha.
Sounds like you have a lot of sexual energy bottled up there?
Is that a polite way of asking if I'm a virgin? Because I am. You got a problem with that? Because I do. Next question.
Are you a religious person, Mr Plumster?
Not at all. I tend to sway between thinking that there is no god and then that there is a god but he just hates me and is the cause of all my problems and the wrongs in the world. I'm probably going to hell but what are ya gonna do?
What does "weet" mean?
It's a mix of wheee and sweet and w00t and probably more. Misspelling and making up words is good fun in a plumsical kinda way. Don't you think, d00d?
Is it true that you hate the winter olympics?
Yes. Yes it is. I'm all for fun in the snow but come on already. YOU'RE NOT THE REAL OLYMPICS!
This is a Frequently Asked Questions thing. But has anyone ever asked even one of these questions?
Well... no. Not really. But I gotta do something with my time. You want me to hang out on street corners and mug old ladies instead? Frankly I think that's very irresponsible of you.
How exactly do you pay for all this?
I don't. It's free mate! You can even get your own super diary too.
From Belinda: If you could be any superhero in the world, who would it be?
Well, I've always had a thing for Green Lantern. I used to have this green ring and I'd run around in the back yard and I'd be all green and superheroey. But I think I'd pick Superman. Because x-ray vision would kick ass and I want a superdog like Krypto.
From Belinda: If you had $100 would you use it to sleep with tickle-me-bb?
Almost certainly. Either that or a hell of a lot of mars bars.
What is the terribly leet Plume secret?
It's a secret! Okay, it's not very secret. If you haven't found it already then just look around in some of my entries. It's not that hard. Just read between the lines. Although these days the secrets are farther apart.
Who is this guy: 
?
That's generalconfusion. I'm not sure wether that's General Confusion or just general confusion. That's all the explanation you're going to get. And I really like MST3k.
Who is The Boy Who Really Needs then?
Back to the Smashing Pumpkins. A line from the song Frail & Bedazzled goes (more or less) something like this: Try to understand the ones I love and their demands, it's so unfair when they can't see, that I'm the boy who really needs, their love I suppose. I used to write letters to MTV Europe's teletext pages. A section called Spit It Out. And I'd sign with The Boy Who Really Needs as my "alias". And then when I got internet I took that as my online name. I still have old websites floating in cyberspace with that name on it. But now I use Plume as my online name mostly. My real name is Lasse by the way. But they're all part of me.
Lasse. That must surely be pronounced "Lassie", right? Am I right? I'm right, aren't I?
No. No. No. It's not. Honestly. Say "Lass-eh" instead of "Lass-eeeee". Then you're closer. Or say Lass. Just don't call me Lassie unless you absolutely positively feel you have to. And it's Plume to you anyway.
Good boy, Lassie.
Arf.
What is an earthquake cult?
An earthquake cult is usually some religious group who wants to give me pamphlets or books or magazines about their religion. The rumour that "earth quake cult" is just another term for Iehova's witnesses is completely unfounded. Probably. Common earthquake cult beliefs include the fact that trees live longer than people because they're more spiritual and the fact that all good is caused by god while all evil is man's own responsibility. Most important though is the belief that religion is something that should be sold at the door and peddled on the streets by harassing strangers.
Why do you hate earwigs so much
Because they're part of a huge feminine conspiracy. It all involves how women pluck their eyebrows and use the hairs to make ear-wigs which are then inserted in people's ears with the help of earwigs. Also they look nasty and run really fast and creep me out.
Who is Skye?
She is my salvation. For reasons I can't quite figure out she actually loves me. If things work out we might be together some time. I'm from Denmark, she's from the netherlands. I'm five years older. I am scared. Of everything. But I have hope. And read this for more details.
UPDATE: Skye is now my ex-girlfriend. Details here. I still love her. I still hope maybe some day in the future we can be together. For now we're just friends. And that's not so bad. She's the most special person in my life. We will always be connected somehow. Even if we're not together.
Do you realize that you have started spelling Monday wrong?
Actually that's on purpose. It's a new tradition.
If I have a question I'd like to get answered here, what should I do?
Just email me or sign my guestbook or telepathically send it to me. I'm open to suggestions. Just remember that I already answered the gender thing.
That's it. Now please faq off.
This page was sort of inspired by (and by that I mean ripped off from) Wil Wheaton Dot Net. It's a lot more interesting than mine cause he's been in Star Trek and stuff. I once got stung by a bee that I had tamed. It's not quite the same.
2002-02-15 - 3:35 p.m. - +
