Cursed Monday. You are the thorn on my rose. You are quicksand in my oasis. You are the sugar in my cocaine.

And so on. I learned today that we do not get winter holidays at Kulturgyngen. Bugger.

Bugger bugger bugger.

Too bad. I was looking forward to a week of lounging in my room tomb. But work calls.

I enjoyed another golden sunrise.

Beautiful and warm. Turning around and I was face to face with the moon.

And on my way I said hello to Treeface.

Treeface rocks. He's my best friend. No really. Every morning I go by him and I say good morning. And when I get off work I go by him again and say goodbye. Does that make me weird? I don't mind. It's easier than talking to people. Treeface doesn't judge me. Treeface always keeps his cool. And you know that if orcs ever attack he'll be the first to defend us.

Of all the muses you have tried to change the hardly changeable

Work went okay. Slowly. I got praised for my colouring again. I picked the colour for the March flyer and poster. And Bente came in and saw it and said it was nice. Cool. She works in the administration I think. She sometimes comes in and talks to Sanne. She's nice. Says hi to me. I like that. When people who don't work in our office says hi to me. The people who work in my office are sort of obligated to do it. It's common courtesy. But the people who work in the other areas of Kulturgyngen, they aren't obligated to say hi.

Remember the girl from the other day? That I wanted to date. Or at least look at. She was there this morning. And said hi to me. Aw. I like her.

I miss girls. Girl. I miss warmth and hugs. I miss skin against skin. I have only ever had one girlfriend. Who I only saw 4 times. That is not a lot. That is not enough. I wish it was easier. I miss it.

Thursday and Friday I have the psychiatric meeting. So hopefully I can get treatment at the anxiety clinic. And hopefully it will get easier. And who knows, maybe I'll find someone. Although the odds of TWO girls on this Earth actually liking me don't seem too great. One was already a longshot. Two is probably asking too much. You know, I should go gay. Just to increase the odds. Why limit myself to 50% of the population? Beggers can't be choosers.

I updated my faq a tiny little. Although it needs a lot of work. It's not so up to date anymore. But I figured I needed to at least add that Skye is my ex-girlfriend. Ex-girlfriend. That's it so odd. I don't really think of her that way. We are very close. I guess we are friends now. It's strange. Sometimes it feels like nothing has changed. And then sometimes it feels like everything is different. I think hugging is what I miss most. Right now at least. Funny, aren't guys supposed to only care about the sex? I am not a very macho guy. I should take some steroids or something.

I also updated my pictures. Although all of them have been posted here previously so if you've been paying attention then there's nothing new. I love the one of the winter lamb. It's so pretty and serene. I wish it would snow.

And I need a pet. I love animals. I can feel it when I go to the playground and hang with the goats and sheep and horses. It frees something inside of me. It's like when you see autistic kids swimming with dolphins or riding on horses. There is something about animals that does something for people. I don't know if it's like that for all people in general or it's just autistic kids and social phobic diarylanders. But it does something. I was talking to Skye about it. Getting a kitten. She said something that was very true. That it helps you to give and receive love. That is something I need to learn. It's very hard for me. It took me years before I could believe Skye loved me. Love is a strange thing to me. I'm not used to it. I see myself as very unlovable. If there is one thing I thank Skye for then it's that she has started changing that for me. But I do still find it hard to believe that someone could love me. A little kitten to take care of, to love me. That would be good. And to show love. I am not good at that either. That is one of the reasons I lost Skye of course. I couldn't give her all that a boyfriend should. It's hard for me.

So yes, a pet. It would do me good. Too bad cats and dogs aren't allowed here. I'm looking for a place though. I found a place that's available. But I'm not sure. I'm not sure about a lot of it. Being on my own scares me too. There are lots of things to consider. But I do need to get out, to get away. Learn to take care of myself. And a couple of cats. I love cats.

Of course that makes me worry too. Can I take care of a cat? What if I mess it up? What if I feed it something wrong and it dies. What if it wouldn't love me? What makes me think that animals could love me if people can't?

And so on. And so on. My head is riddled with insecurities. But I'm working on it.

Hey, I got a plant at work.

Let's see how long that survives.