Alritey then. Time for an update I guess.

You might be wondering if Plume has gotten his computer fixed yet.

No. Plume hasn't got his computer fixed yet. This has gotten Plume so frustrated that he now refers to himself in third person. Plume's computer shuts down when he tries to log into any of the user accounts. Sometimes it shuts down before he can pick an account to try at all. Stupid computer.

I am slightly worried. But I'm doing better now. I am master of the situation. Not letting it stress me too much. I just hope I can find some sort of fix. At least I can boot in safemode again. I tried running chkdsk to check my hard drives. Unfortunately since my computer couldn't start up properly the chkdsk couldn't finish. So everytime I turned on the computer it wanted to start checking the C: drive. Even if I tried booting in safemode it'd just do that. Luckily I managed to rectify that situation. So now I'm back in safemode and I have limited internet access. That's good. I can do my daily routines. And I can search for help with my problem. That's what I'm doing now, I'm trying a lot of different things. But I'm not letting it stress me. It's just a computer. When I come home from work and I'm tired and hungry, I just don't have the energy to spend too much time on it. I figure in the weekend I'll devote my ressources to it. And for now I just take it nice and easy. As nice and easy as I can. It is worrying though. I tried booting from my recovery CD but there was a file missing on my hard drive. So if I can't find that file then I can't reinstall/repair Windows. I better find a fix to the problem so I don't have to worry about that.

But enough about the computer for now. What else has been going on in the life of Plume?

Mother was away, visiting relatives. She came back home today. It's been nice to have the house to myself for a while. Too bad this computer business sort of took all my attention. But it I will try and get back to the house searching soon, I want my own place. So I can get my cat too. I'm reading "Cats for dummies". It's very basic, but I like that. I know nothing about having cats. Or pets in general. If there ever was a dummy then I am it.

Went back to the anxiety clinic today. For my second session with the therapist. Tanja is her name. She's pretty young. She's a "psychologist intern". I don't know how much experience she really has. But I feel pretty comfortable with her and she seems competent enough and everything. So far it's been okay talking to her. I haven't been too scared before it. Or during it. It's hard though, to be the focus for a whole hour. Nowhere to hide, just in the spotlight like that. But that's good for me too.

Today we made a little pyramid. Situations that cause social phobia for me. Ranging from the easiest situation to the hardest. The hardest I could imagine was getting up and speaking in front of a crowd of people. The easiest was walking down "strøget", the shopping/walking street downtown. One of the things I put in the pyramid was going to the movies too. The theater. That's something I want to be able to do. Something I want to try. I have never been to the theater on my own. But I will be trying that soon I guess. That's a big part of cognitive therapy I think. Trying these things out. Practising.

Soon enough. My homework this time was to think about something we talked about. I'm not going to go into details now, but basically it was something about moving focus from yourself and to others or other things. In hard situations. So I'm going to think about that and try it out and then we'll talk about it next Wednesday. And then I'll probably start practising those hard situations from the pyramid.

So therapy going pretty well so far. I hope it'll help me. It reminds me a little of the things we did at Phobia School, but the big difference is that now I'm ready to actually work on these things. When I went to Phobia School I was isolated, depressed and so on. I wasn't ready at all. But now I'm ready and motivated to change things, so hopefully I'll see results. I'm just glad that it isn't bringing me down, I can sleep perfectly fine the night before, I can manage everything. I don't get scared of going, I don't get scared of sitting down for an hour and talking to my therapist. It's just a good feeling, to be able to do these things without great fear and anxiety. I really have come a long way.

Work is going okay. It's a little uncomfortable with all the new people. But it just takes time, then I'll feel secure. The newest addition to our team is Natalie. As you might guess from the name it's a girl. She is young and curvy. So obviously she scares me. But I guess that's good for me too. I need to learn to feel less self-conscious around girls of course.

She has an online presence too. She has a blog. Wow. I have never met another blogger in real life before. As far as I know anyway. Someone whose blog/journal I read. It could be interesting to read her thoughts about kultursats and all that goes on. Me maybe. But then again I probably wouldn't want to know what she thinks about me, if anything. And anyway her blog isn't very active I think. Short, infrequent updates. It's not like my journalling. Her last update is about getting the job at kulturgyngen.

It's kind of interesting. The web presence versus real life presence. I wonder if she would be upset if she knew I googled her? I wonder if I would be upset if someone googled me? In some ways I kind of would like people I know in real life to read my dland or lj. Just so they could see that there's more to me than the weirdo who never says anything. But then on the other hand it might not be nice to have your private thoughts open to people you have to relate to in the workplace, in your everyday life. I don't know. I don't think googling my name would lead here anyway. And Sanne is the only one who knows my real name. Maybe I should stop saying KULTURSATS all the time though hehe, who knows if anyone will google for that. Ah well. Let the dice fall. Que sera sera. What can ya do. I probably have more to gain than to lose. I do enough hiding in real life.

I learned some interesting things. Sanne is considering winter bathing. Haha. I like the cold winter weather but you wouldn't see me skinny dipping in that water. Okay, you wouldn't see me skinny dipping at all ever around other people.

Thomas' girlfriend is called Stinna. I still don't know which of the bar girls she is. But I do think she's the cute one. Natalie has a boyfriend too. And that other bar girl that I found cute (the one who called me sweet), well I overheard her saying that she has a kid. Or possibly kids. So my romantic situation is complicated. All the girls I fancy are either taken or old with kids. I'm going to need to find someone new to crush on. Maybe my therapist, she's kinda cute? Yes, cause that wouldn't be complicated. Haha. Oh well. Girls scare me. But I like 'em too. You're damned if you do, you're damned if you don't.

I miss Skye. I miss her hands. Her body. Her lips. Warmth.

I got a birthday present from her today. Yes, that's right. My birthday is coming up. March 15th. You better mark your calendars. Someone give me a new computer? Or well, I'd settle for panty pics or greetz. Don't worry, I'll keep reminding you. I'm way too insecure to believe that people could remember my birthday on their own.

Ah well, online it's hard anyway. I keep forgetting about people's birthdays, even people I care about. I always end up signing their guestbook 4 days late with a "happy belated birthday" thing. I am bad with dates.

Oh yes, I wanted to say congrats to Jane too. I'm not sure if I'm allowed to link you? Anyway, if you know her then go check her diary. She had a son. And he is the most precious thing that I have seen in a long lone while. It makes me happy to see the pictures and read about it. It warms my heart. I'm sure parenthood is hard, especially in the beginning. But it's also the most amazing thing I can imagine, putting a new life in the world. Something that needs your love so much.

I'll practice on a kitten soon, I hope.

More updates when and if the computer decides to magically fix itself.

Toodles.