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Denmark hi (avi) hi (mpg)
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Modnay 2004-11-08 - 9:59 p.m. - +
clix?
Day two at the new work is done. A long day. But it went okay again. When I came the only one there was Sanne. People were sick and late I guess. Poul Erik came pretty soon afterwards. Christian, who I had met on Friday of course, didn't come at all. He was sick. Some guy called Lars was still sick too. I overheard Sanne on the phone with him, seems he's been missing a lot of days. So they're going to be having a meeting with him and his social worker to see what will happen. Later on a guy called Jan came. He has some health problems so he's allowed to meet late and skip days. Good for him. He seemed like another nice, fairly quiet person. So far all the people I have met there have been nice and pleasant. I feel pretty comfortable there. It isn't scary after all. I spent most of the day experimenting with colours for the flyer. In fact that was pretty much all I did. There's no hurry. Two weeks till deadline. So far it has been pretty easy, really. It's only the working hours that are hard. I have to get used to that though. Not much choice. I just... don't like being away from home. I get such a strong urge to get back home in safety. Do the wasteful things I do to keep me happy. I don't like being away. I stopped in Favorit to do a little shopping, should have taken 5 minutes. But there was some big family buying a huge amount of stuff and then of course having problems with payment. It took an extra 20 minutes. Just standing there. Of course one of the cash registers were broken so all the lines were huge. And I found myself getting almost angry at that family because they were keeping me away from home. Stupid, I know. Being home represents safety, easy life. Sometimes it's still a struggle to leave in the morning. I can do it, it's not as hard as it used to be. But it's more about wanting it now. Being motivated. The inner struggle between staying in a beautiful, warm, safe, easy bed. As opposed to a hard, cold, cruel world. And I know that's not how the world really is, but in my head it gets like that. Leaving home is a struggle, it's all these things I have to deal with. All these things I have to fight. To make better. There is nothing easy. Even the things that have gotten easier are still not easy. I can do them now, but it's still there, it's still working towards something, instead of being something in itself. No, no. I'm not making sense anymore. It's just hard sometimes. To stay motivated. That is how it is with everything. The bad things are always easier. In the short run. But I'm working on it. I do think things are still progressing. I've made it two days at the new work, at the full time I'm supposed to be there. So that's good. And I got my airplane tickets in the mail today. All is set for January. So now it's just a matter of keep working. And have a little fun once in a while.
another day back and forth clix
try to understand the ones I love and their demands so unfair when they can't see that I'm the boy who really needs your love i suppose I just want peace diaryland to be free at last |
you can watch me bleed