Sometimes I get very frustrated at my own failure at living up to being who I want to be. And my failure at constructing proper sentences.

I want to be a good person. I don't always live up to that. Sometimes I feel like I'm watching myself from the outside. Thinking "no no, why are you doing that? Why are you saying that? You know it's all wrong".

I try to be a good person. God knows the world is full enough of bad ones already. It's probably easier not to care. Indifference is bliss.

A 57 year old woman was raped close to where I live recently. She went out to get morning bread at the baker. A guy grabbed her and puller her into some bushes. Beat her almost to death and raped her. Left her to die for all intents and purposes. Her husband wondered why she had been gone so long, the baker was just 10 minutes away from where they live. He went to meet her. Found her in the bushes. She's in stable condition now. A 24 year old guy is in custody.

Sometimes I'm scared to go outside. There is something very scary about seing your neighbourhood on TV. You don't want people like that to be walking around in the same places like you. You don't want people like that to be walking around at all.

I get frustrated when I feel like I can't be the good person I should be. What am I going to become? There is no depth that humanity can't sink to.

Still, yelling at my mother doesn't make me a rapist. Stomping my feet on the ground doesn't make me a killer. It's more like being a little baby. I want it my way and I want it now. But what do babies like that grow up to become?

I wonder why I turned out the way I did. I wonder if it was my parents fault. My fault. Genetics. Does every little newborn baby come with the risk of a screwed up life? What if I become a parent and I can't give my baby an okay life? Will I have learnt from my mistakes? Or is it in my genes, will any offspring of mine have to go through things like these?

I am easily scared.

Well, sorry about that all. You shouldn't think too much about life. It doesn't fix anything anyway.

Despite a little melancholic surge I have been enjoying my first day of vacation. It's a good feeling. To just have time. Time ahead. To do as I please.

Guess what happened last night? I was going to bed and for some reason I didn't turn on the light when I went into my room. It was all dark. And then suddenly I saw something moving. There was something in there. In the window pane. At first I thought it was a bird. A big black raven was the image in my head for some reason. But as my eyes adjusted to the dark I saw that it was a cat! There was a cat in my room. It quickly jumped out of the window. I went there and looked out. And I could see it standing under my window. It ran away before I could turn on my nightlight though. So I didn't get a good look at it. I wonder if it was one of the jedi kitties. It wasn't one of the grey twins I'm pretty sure.

I think it was a black one. I had actually seen a black one earlier yesterday when I was coming home from work. It was lying in the grass watching me. Maybe it followed me. I saw it today too, through the kitchen window. So I think it's likely that it was the same cat in my room.

Funny. I wonder what it was doing in my room. Maybe that happens every night when I'm sitting at the computer in the living room. Maybe all the neighbourhood cats go and party in my room. I kind of like that thought.

That's enough for today. Tomorrow is the big footie day. Denmark against the Czech Republic in the quarter finals of Euro04. Very exciting. For me at least. Cross your fingers for us.

Oh and finally here is what our crown princess Mary would look like if Skye dressed her up:

Wicked!

Peace out.

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