Another long one probably. Funny, after I have stopped caring so much about updating every single day, my updates seem to be longer. Maybe it's better that way. Although it might get tiresome to read all this stuff. Too bad though. I have gotten better at writing for my own sake. If people don't like it then meh. I'm not going to be the new Uncle Bob. I don't want to be a superstar, I just want to be myself. Aw, how wholesome. Now when I learn to play my guitar, then I want to be superstar. For sure.

Mondays are usually no good. But today wasn't too bad. I have managed to hang on to my positive vibe. That's really good. Six days in a row without really feeling bad. What a wondrous feeling.

And I got some good stuff done today. But let's just take the day from the beginning. Twas a cold morning. Frosty. Maybe there will be snow some time. If I'm lucky.

Before I left for work I sat down at the computer and looked at videos of Sascha, Skye's doggie. He's so amazing. I thought it would be a good idea to start the day by watching him. To try to stay in a positive frame of mind. And Sas always helps me with that. He's endlessly lovely.

So that was a good way to start things off. And work generally went fine. They didn't have lemonade today. That was a bummer. But apart from that. I did a little social practice again. Someone had left a cake tray in our office. Sanne speculated that someone had been there during the weekend, had a party or something. So I said "Well, they should have left some cake for us then". Now that might not be the greatest remark ever. It's no Shakespeare. No Monty Python. But I offered it up spontaneously. It wasn't a reply to something someone said to me. It was spontaneous small talk, taking part in the office talk without being pushed. That's a good thing.

And then Bente came in and looked at what I was doing on the computer. I'm doing a little poster for this thing. An event at Kulturgyngen. I was playing around with some colours, she said it was interesting. And she knew the guy doing the.. event. Hey Desirée, how do you say foredrag in English? Oh well nevermind. The word escapes me. It's like a.. speech. He gets up and talks. I hate it when words just fall out of my head like that. But anyway, she knows that guy. He's been on TV too. So that was nice.

And Mahsen asked me if I wasn't cold. I still wear a T-shirt. Funny, a couple of years ago I could never wear T-shirts. Scars on my wrists and so on. Now I wear T-shirts even though it's freezing outside. But we have heating in the office, so it's really not too cold for me. I don't mind cold.

After work I stopped at the library. Skye had told me of a couple of books that might be helpful. I only got one though. John Gray's "Men are from Mars, women are from Venus". She told me that would be a good book for me to learn more about relationships and things like that. I don't know much about the female of the species. So maybe that book will be handy, I'll see. And then I got three books about cats. I was going to get four but the fourth one registered as "The car yearbook, 2005". So I had to go to the front desk and tell them. Somebody must have mixed up the bar code or something.

But I did get three nice cat books. I don't plan to necessarily read them all the way through. Maybe read one of them and then skim the others. I'm mostly interested in the parts about getting your first cat of course. It'll be a while before I can get one, but can't hurt to start preparing. Hopefully that will ease my nerves too. I want to feel secure when I get a cat eventually. Like I know a little about what I'm doing.

The library wasn't a scary place. I had no social phobia at all. That's really good. The place isn't as big as I remembered it, maybe because the last time I was there I was a wee kid and everything seemed bigger. I don't know. But it is fairly big, it's the central library of Aarhus and there are a fair lot of people. But I didn't get scared at all. I had never checked out books with the new computer system before. And I had to deal with that one book registering wrongly. And deal with getting a new library card because my old one was completely outdated. My old one was like a piece of cardboard in a plastic sleeve. The new ones are computer chip super cards. I hadn't been to the library in 10 years or something. My old card was dead and gone.

Lots of computers now. All over the place. Almost more computers than books. Well, not really. But it sure is different now. When I was a kid there were four computers in the back, and those were for kids playing Hugo or Oswald or other TV2 interactive games.

I'm glad I went there. Skye had been "bugging" me a little about it. I can be very slow at doing things. So it was about time that I went. And nothing to worry about. It's right in the middle of my way from work to the bus. No social phobia. Quick and easy. There was really no reason to wait so long. That's one of the lessons I need to learn. Not to put things off forever.

And that people aren't horrible always.

I like that last one. I overheard them, they were doing some kind of advanced math. It could be just a tutoring situation of course. I prefer the idea of them being boyfriend and girlfriend, studying in the library. That's sweeter. But I don't know how much time a boyfriend and girlfriend would spend in the library anyway. I'm sure there are nicer things to do.

Like I said, the library is right on my way from work to the bus stop. And I was done in a timely fashion so I went down by the river again. It's quite handy having the river right next to the bus stop. If I have 5-10 minutes then I can go down there. I should start bringing bread for the birdies. When I came down there today they were sort of gathering around where I was and the gulls came flying in. I think they expected me to feed them. The cute little flyers.

The filenames says "grey". That's not grey. Silly Plume.

And gulls. It kind of looks like it's wraparound picture, right? Like it's one of the gulls leaving the picture on the left and entering on the right. If the wings had matched up better then it would have been a funny picture.

Long day. Tired. My mother saw my cat books. She doesn't really know what's going on in my life. She doesn't know my newfound passion for animals. So she was a bit surprised. And we got to talking. They don't allow animals here. So it was a good segue into talking about moving. I'm glad I got to talk with her about that. She can be quite supportive. She'll help me with the stuff. She gave me some good suggestions. I might look for an appartment in Bispehaven. It's not the best neighbourhood. Heavy on second generation immigants and troubled young Danes. A category which I fit into. But it's not too far from here, it's affordable, and they allow cats. So I think it would be a good place to live on my own for the first time. Who knows, maybe I could get an appartment overlooking the playground! That would be little amazing. If I could look out of the window and see Blackie and Kees and the lambs running around down there. That's not likely at all, though. But the playground is at Bispehaven so there'd be a good chance of living close to it.

So another pretty good day. Talking to mother. Getting books. Going to a big library without feeling bad. Slight socializing. It's gotta be a good day when you accomplish some things. Little steps go a long way eventually.

Yesterday I talked to Corrie. Been a long, long while since I saw her last. You have to be old-school to even know who she is. But suffice it to say that this diary got started because of her. So I'll always owe her for that. And she's still good fun.

Corrie: I have a therapist who is always trying to bestow me with compliments, not because they are genuine, but because she thinks I need to hear it. And I know it!
Corrie: It makes me feel so awkward.
Plume: ah yes, I can imagine that. You should start complimenting her back every time she does it
Corrie: That's nice advice
Corrie: In my mind's eye I imagine it to end in a makeout scene hahahah
Plume: "you're great at giving compliments". For a start.
Plume: ooh
Corrie: Hahaha!
Plume: in mine too, now.
Corrie: No, I'm kidding... like we work each other up so much with compliments we just can't help it
Corrie: Hah
Plume: "in my mind's eye you are great at making out"
Plume: that wouldn't freak her out
Corrie: hahahaha that would be hilarious
Plume: "so are you doing anything next friday? oops that wasn't a compliment, tehee"
Plume: this is like a movie script that just writes itself
Corrie: One time I commented on her copious amounts of amythist jewelry by saying "So amythist is your favorite huh?" and something about my delivery offended her yet she tred to cover it up
Corrie: I didn't mean it!
Plume: hahaha. that's odd. like you were being a real bitch or something. dontchoo talk bout mah amytis
Corrie: Hahah
Plume: I'm not sure I could see a therapist who wears jewelry. I don't have the confidence for that. "yes, I know you're better than me. You don't have to like wear jewels man"
Corrie: She said "MOST people don't phrase it that way Corrie" and then we descended into one of those endlessly long silences. With her looking at me. And my eyes diverted.
Corrie: Ha ha!
Plume: hehe. how do they phrase it then? you should have asked her that. Ah I love endless silences. At least when talking to therapist type people. Because hey, they know I'm screwed up. I don't have to try to say anything. If I was talking to a normal person then I'd have to try to appear normal. But now I can just shut up and wait till the other person says something.
Plume I'm very healthy
Corrie: hjkhejkfhJKH
Plume: see, if you were my therapist I'd just look at you blankly now and wait
Corrie: It makes me feel weird! They stare at you as if willing you to say something miraculous that makes all of your problems fall into perfect perspective.
Corrie: Funk that!
Plume: Hmm yes.I guess I have just accepted that there's no way in hell I'm going to come up with soemthing miraculous so I just sit there and think "well I can sit here for an hour without saying anything, I'm fine with that. If you want this to move on, then say somehing"
Corrie: I only see that quack so I can see a doctor in her affiliation and get medication
Plume: that's anothing compliment right there. "The doctor you're affiliated with gives me great medicine".

Fun stuff. Didn't hurt that she complimented my photography. And I liked the part about freaking out your therapist. That would be fun. Okay, okay, it's not something you should do. But maybe if you really didn't like your therapist. You could play mind games with her.

Plume: "So, there's like doctor-patient privilege or something, right? You're not allowed to tell anyone what I say?"
Therapist: "That's right, I .."
Plume: "So for example if one of your clients had robbed a bank then you couldn't tell the police?"
Therapist:" Well, when it comes to criminal ..."
Plume: "Or say he had murdered someone?"
Therapist: "Murdered?!"
Plume: "Like if one of your clients had murdered all of his family maybe..."
Therapist: "Murder is a very serious thing and I .."
Plume:" Well, let's say he hasn't done it yet. But that he's planning to murder them all.."
Therapist: "Planning to murder his entire family?"
Plume: "Yes, let's say he's carrying detailed plans about it around in his bag and he's just gathering courage to actually go through with it. Would you be allowed to tell the police about that?"

Etcetera. That would be a laugh.

Tomorrow is the big election in Denmark. I will go and vote. I am not overly optimistic though. Our current government will probably keep the power. And our mini-Bush will say his heils with our mini-Hitler and everyone will be happy because of the tax-cuts. I hate politics.

The end.