Feeling minced. Sliced, diced and ready to be served.

Another hard day at work. Cafer and I finished clearing the balcony. Lifting stuff. Moving it down the stairs. That was hard enough yesterday. Today my legs were sore from that. Which made it even harder. And now they're even more sore. And my knee is hurting from when I banged it against a plate. And to top it off I banged my shin against the bottom part of a shopping kart. So basically I'm ready for retirement now. Or at least a nice long weekend soon.

The kindergarten kids came to play in the hall. They were early. And we were working all day. The stairs up to the balcony are in the hall so we had lots of little kids running around being interested in what we did. Cute. They would start climbing up the stairs. So the adults put a table in front. But then everytime we came down carrying a big piece of junk they would have to move the table away so we could get down. And then the kids would immediately seize the chance to try and climb up. Fun. One of the pieces of junk was a nice kiddie table. I was going to haul it out in the hallway with the other junk but one of the kindergarten adults asked if they could have it. So I went and asked Bent the Boss about it. And he said it was okay. So I went back and said they could take it. Does that sound horribly boring? It was a nice little moment in which I felt like an adult in an adult setting doing something nice and doing it well and with a good outcome. I liked it.

My body is hurting. But Skye is sending me movies of Sacha. The cutest dog on the face of the world as we know it. That always makes me happy. He's good for the soul. Watching him chew on a stick makes me forget the bombs and the broken bones.

Agh. I just checked my papers and my "contract" with the barn runs out at the end of March. I had no idea. That's so soon. That's Monday next week. Geez. I don't like that. I'm feeling pretty good at the barn right now. I feel things improving. I know I can't stay there forever. But what if they make me stop. Make me go some place else. I don't want to start all over. I don't want new people and new places. Things are going well at the barn. If they make me go to another place then it'll be stricter and I will lose that feeling of doing well. Things are finally starting to be slightly okay. I don't want to be pulled away from that.

We'll see what happens. I think Bent the Boss must be happier with how I'm doing now. Maybe he won't mind keeping me a little longer. I guess we'll have to have a meeting with my social worker. That's what happened last time my contract ran out. She came to the barn and we talked and I got to stay. I hope that's what will happen again. I know I have to move on sometime. But I don't think I'm ready yet. I'm not feeling up to it.

Lalala Eels.

Sigh.

I want my life to be okay. I want to be stronger, better. Drive a faster car. I want to stop talking in lyrics. I want to keep working with Cafer. I want to stay at the barn. I like it there.

I don't like change. Which is funny because I want things to change.

Haha.

At least it took my mind of off the two dead pieces of lumber that are my legs.

np: still the mix