If I thought that Saturday would be a nice Cushing's free day I was wrong. I got a letter from the hospital. Well, a different hospital. The university hospital I think. I have to have my brain scanned. An MR scan.

One of those science fictiony things where you're inserted in to the round tube. I don't really like the thought of that at all. My mother has tried it. She talked about claustrophobia. Except she called it clanstrophobia or something like that. I don't know if I'm claustrophobic. Which probably means I'm not. It's just all these tests, it's making me feel like it's more and more serious. I just want it to be a nice little disease that can be cured with a nice little operation and then everything is fine. It just seems a little drastic to have my brain scanned. My brain is fine is fine my brain is fine. And my brain is fine. And so on.

At first I thought it was this Monday but then I looked closer at the date. It's Monday the 12th of July. So that's two months from now. I was kind of hoping this whole thing would be over by then. Doctor said he hoped they'd have the diagnosis done on Wednesday when I get the x-rays taken, or soon after at least. This brain scan thing sort of suggests it could take a while longer. But I don't know. We'll see.

That brain scan is also scheduled in my tiny vacation from the Reva center. I don't know what this will mean to our plans. Skye and I. I'm supposed to be going to the Netherlands to see her again, but I don't know now. With everything that's going on a trip to the Netherlands seems very stressful now.

But I'll see what happens next week. I'm crossing my fingers that maybe those x-rays can show the tumor and that they can schedule the operation and that everything will be okay. And my brain is fine.

I just hope I can keep my positive outlook on everything. When the doc first mentioned Cushing's it seemed like nothing special. Now my dad might be coming home, I'm having brain scans, I'm talking to nice and understanding people all the time. It just seems to be growing and growing. Like a little snowball falling down a mountain. A snowball can't hurt you. But somewhere along the middle it turns into an avalanche and you just feel like running wildly for your life.

But it's not an avalanche yet. And I will be fine. Just watch me out-snowboard that mutha. I am not scared.

And my brain is fine.

np: nothing