So there you go. 2004 is almost over. Two hours now. It's going to be a traditional new year's eve for me. Sitting at the computer. Toasting the new year in with the family. Peter is out visiting friends though. So it will just be me and the parents. Glorious celebrations.

It's been a long year. Many things to deal with. Many new things. I started at the Reva center. I started working out. Biking to work. Started at Kulturgyngen. Went to psychiatric evaluation. Started meds. And there was the whole funny hospital business where I got misdiagnosed with Cushing's. Before that things were going pretty well, things were improving. But I really got a setback over that. I thought I had found an explanation for most of the things there was wrong with me. And I thought I would be "cured". Instead it was all a waste of time and I had to get back to the idea of working hard to get better. It threw me into depression for long time. On and off depression. The smallest things could make me incredibly sad. I think I'm fairly better now, although there is still danger of depression lurking somewhere in the back. Hopefully the medication will get rid of that. Eventually.

It was hard for Skye too. I can be complicated. Especially when I get sad. And we were supposed to meet in the summer too. But the whole hospital ordeal and following depression ruined that. Now we're finally going to meet again. On Monday I'll fly off to the Netherlands. So that will be a good start to the year. And hopefully it will be a good year. The medication will help I hope. I'll get more used to working at Kulturgyngen. For longer hours. And I hope I will get refered to the anxiety clinic for cognitive therapy. As the doctor says. So I have the potential for much improvement next year. Maybe it will be the year where the big breakthrough comes and I will get closer to a normal life. 2004 was a good step on the way. If 2005 could be similar but without the setbacks then I might have a chance.

But if nothing else I will at least go out of the year with underwear on my head. So I can't complain.

I don't really have any resolutions. I don't do resolutions. I never have. The closest was in my dark years where I would always wish that the next year would be the last in my life. No "quit smoking" or "be good to my parents" but just a "die soon". Cheery. But no resolutions this year. Just lots of things to work on. I will not make a resolution to "lose weight" or "be more social". That will just make me feel under pressure. And I will be tempted to give up. Instead I will just work on things. It's like a hidden resolution I guess. If I don't say it out loud then there's less chance of failing.

I want to thank you all. Readers. You who have signed my guestbook. Sent panty pictures. Supported me along the way. Not to get too sentimental or anything, but it still means a lot to me. I am still quite alone in my life, I still have a long way to go before that changes. You guys help me. I'm a sad internet geek. Haha. But with your help I will get to be a sad real-life geek, I have no doubt. And one day I'll take a trip round the world and visit you all. Probably. Don't put the kettle on just yet. It probably won't be in 2005. But who knows.

And so... a happy new year to you all! Be loved and stay safe.

Uncle Plume loves ya.

PS. I did a google image search for "happy new year" and it came up with this. So that says it all. Toodles!

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