It's the end of a century. It's nothing special. Welcome to the last gasp of 2003. 2½ hours left on my clock. The fireworks are a-exploding nonstop outside. The snow is lying gingerly on the ground. And every little teenager in the land is trying to blow up his friends in the most humanely possible way.

New year's eve. And I'm tired of being sick. I guess I'll have to exit the year with one big cold still lingering.

Hey, I just wasted an hour reading google posts about whether Tolkien was a racist or not. What a way to spend new years eve. And now there's only an hour and 15 minutes left of the year.

I suppose I should look back on the year a little. It's been a big year. Fuzzy around the edges. A funny wig. In many ways a bizarre year. Sorry, I'll start again.

It's been a big year for me. The continued evolution of the new, happy Plume. Working for a better life. The beginning of the year gave me comfort and safety at the Barn. My work. For the first time I started feeling sort of okay when going out. Being among the people there. Started to feel an improvement when it comes to socializing with people. Stopped skipping days. I went something like 8 months without missing a single day I think. That is revolutionary for me. Before this I would routinely skip at least a day per week if not more.

And then in the summer vacation I went to the Netherlands and spent a week with Skye. The first time I was away from Denmark (or even just my own room) for that long in 10 years or more. Maybe the hardest thing I ever did. But probably an important thing. I hope it can help me realize that I am capable of doing some things. Doing some things on my own. And that things that are scary aren't necessarily impossible, but rather worth doing.

After the vacation I continued the improvement plans. Working to get better at social interaction at the Barn. And I started cutting down on sodas and candy. I started taking nightly walks instead of naps. I can feel it help too. I sleep better at night. I have lost something like 5-6 kilos in 2-3 months (I'm not keeping exact score, there's still plenty of room for improvement. I am not a health freak or on a scheduled diet. Yet.).

And finally I spent another week with Skye. Christmas together. The story of that is still to be written. It will be here any day now.

But all in all it has been an eventful and challenging year. I feel kind of silly saying that because I often still feel like a little mouse running scared around in a maze with no clue as to where I'm heading, no clue what to do, no clue what will happen. But even the smallest mouse can't stop time, and things are ever progressing. They will be in the new year too. After stopping at the Barn I have a big, new challenge waiting already in January. Starting at the reva center. And I'm sure many other things will follow. I hope I can keep making things better. For myself. For Skye. For us. For the future. I hope I can get to the cheese at the end of the rainbow maze.

That about wraps it up I think.

50 minutes left of the year.

You know what I don't like about the end of the year? The tv stations' look back at the year. When they get to all the crime and death and pain. All the disasters, all the little girls kidnapped and raped and killed. All the bombs falling. The wars, the evil. It always makes me sad. Naturally. Also because you know that it won't get better. You know that in a year from now we'll be looking back at 2004, at the disasters, at the girls kidnapped and killed, at the bombs and the war. And you know there's not going to be any less of it. You know there's probably going to be more. And what can you do? Hope it doesn't happen to someone you know. Hope the war doesn't come to your country. Hope they don't drop any bombs on your head. Looking back at things like that always brings up my lost faith in humanity.

Better to look back at the good things. I want to go to bed tonight and imagine Skye lying by my side in the dark. Imagine cuddling her dog. Seeing them run together in the forest. Imagine my parents being sweet and helpful to me. Imagine the people at the Barn missing me. Imagine all you nice people in diaryland hopefully having a nice time tonight. In 40 minutes I will be entering my 5th year on diaryland. Amazing. This place and you people still mean a lot to me. Thank you all for a great year. Hope 2004 brings you good things. And that none of the bad things will happen to you. It may be the bacardi breezer talking, but I love you guys.

10 minutes to go.

Happy new year!